One of the best things that I’ve come across for ages is Kris Valloton’s Prince and Pauper Test – here
It’s a really fascinating test – lots of great questions and he goes through some of the reasons behind possible answers at the end.
The test isn’t just about money – it’s also about how we see ourselves and obviously that has an impact on how we think, the decisions we make and what happens to us a result of our behaviours and actions.
In a popular section of one of my coaching workshops people discuss how others perceive us or, to put it another way, how we come across to others. Albert Mehrabian stated that communication is:
- 38% is tone of voice
- 55% is non-verbal cues (eye contact, posture etc). So, how quick are you at maths? 🙂 Yes, these figures mean that only
- 7% of how you come across depends on the words you say!
These figures are fascinating – and scary. The fact that only 7% of how others perceive the genuineness of your communicated message depends on your words is thought-provoking indeed.
So if there is a disconnect or difference between what you are saying and your non-verbal cues (body language) and/or tone of voice, listeners are more likely to believe the body language and tone of voice, rather than the words.
This disconnect can cause the listener to feel uneasy and possibly view you negatively. On the other hand, when your words and body match this will generate trust and confidence.
It is true that your body language will alter depending on who you are with – you probably stand and sit differently with family than you do with your boss or the bank manager.
So what can be done to ensure that you always comes across as congruent and trustworthy?
Your body language reflects both your emotions and how you see yourself. If you have a negative self-image it will show.
First of all, check that your thoughts and feeling about yourself are in line with what the Bible says about you.
Remember that God loves you. One of the verses that helps me with this is John 10 v10 “ A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life—life in all its fullness.” (New Century Version) Don’t let the thief ( negativity, toxic thinking etc) steal and destroy what is yours, but step out knowing that you can have a full and fulfilling life.
Repeat Bible verses out loud to yourself until the words sink in and become a part of you and your thought patterns. You will find some of your own that have meaning for you but here are a few suggestions.
“I am determined and confident. I am not afraid or discouraged, for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go”
(Joshua 1 v 9)
“I am secure and feel confident because there is hope; yes I look around me and take my rest in safety. I lie down and none make me afraid.”
Job 11 v 18/19
“I am strong and of good courage, I do not fear nor am I afraid, for the Lord my God, He is the one Who goes with me. He will not leave me nor forsake me.”
Deuteronomy 31 v 6
Secondly, take notice of your body language when you are with people – if you feel that the way your body language isn’t conveying the message you want it to, then change it and notice if people respond to you differently.
If you would like to discover how to improve your body language there is a great article by Tomesia Ingram on the facebook page (scroll down for the link on the right)
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